a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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