i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
