I didn't shave. On purpose
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
