believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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