just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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