dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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