I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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