If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
