I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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