Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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