Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
