Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
BRING THE BAGELS
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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