Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I forget how to act sober
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
