If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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