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You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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