At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
