I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
