why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
