So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
