so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
