Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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