you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
