hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
