Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize