my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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