Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
