can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
third nipple confirmed
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
