It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize