ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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