I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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