hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize