Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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