he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
