Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
