she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
