WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
