don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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