i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Please don't give away my fajitas
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