I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
