I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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