I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
