Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
