the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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