Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
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She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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