If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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