In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
