tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
