were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
