i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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