i think my mom watched the whole time
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
