I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
