Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
