i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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