my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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