I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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