i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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