It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
