I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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