It's Friday. Sex?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
