she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
