Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
