Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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