He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
