Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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