Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I think your dad took our porno
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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