one word: firstdatebathroomanal
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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