Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
