I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
