we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
