Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
