My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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