mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
