Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
