i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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