She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
