I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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