wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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